We can debate whether or not we need American Idol back so soon—it only went off the air two years ago, which means the gap between getting the boot and being rebooted is shorter than ever. One day that gap will cease to exist, and then what? Some version of the singularity where the computers take over but all they do is call us stupid and laugh at us randomly? Oh wait, that’s already happening. Anyway, the observation I was setting up before I had a vision was: We can argue about the usefulness of Idol’s return, but what’s undeniable is that Sunday’s Season 16 premiere delivered a dump truck of melisma. Of course it did. I don’t think I’ve heard a run as absurd as that of Koby, and I listened to Christina Aguilera’s “The Christmas Song” as recently as December (more for scientific observation than for fun). (And yes, that’s Koby like the beef, but no she doesn’t enjoy being compared to cuts of meat, per her exchange with judge Katy Perry, which had a snippy undercurrent.) It took Koby about 50 seconds to sing, “The devil never stops coming for you/For you.” That’s five and a half… Read full this story
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